6 Tips for Getting It On Pain-Free with Migraine

Sex with migraine can take a bit of consideration. A few simple tips like open communication and experimentation can help your sex life continue to thrive.

Sex connects us, often becoming a central pillar of a healthy relationship. When a migraine comes knocking, it complicates things.

Navigating sex with migraine requires a little more pre-planning than sex for the average person — although all of us could benefit from putting a little more thought into our sex life.

All you need are some minor adjustments and effective communication to make your sex life sparkle.

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How can migraine impact sex?

“Chronic illness is very unpredictable, and many people experience good and bad days,” says relationship expert and psychologist Melissa Cook. “This can add to the stress [of chronic illness]; some people may worry they’re not meeting their partner’s sexual desires or expectations.”

Connecting chronic illness and sex doesn’t make anyone feel particularly sexy, so it might feel easier to silence yourself to protect your partner’s experience.

However, a good partner takes pleasure in your pleasure. Keeping your mouth shut when you’re in pain doesn’t satisfy anyone’s needs.

The effects extend beyond the internal, too. I often experience motion sickness, making sex a little more nauseating than exhilarating. Others may find that the activity intensifies pain or triggers dizziness.

However, orgasms can also be an effective pain reliever!

Tips for having your best sex with migraine

Read on to discover sex tips and the best sex positions for when migraine attacks come knocking.

1. Communicate to your partner before sex

No one wants to open a seductive moment with a health summary, but before you get down, your partner should know how migraine impacts your life. The more you shun your condition, the more likely it is to infringe on your sex life.

“Honest and open communication is always key,” agrees Cook. “Find a quiet and private setting where you both feel comfortable and explain the situation and how you feel.”

Cook also suggests using “I” statements to reiterate your experience and emotions.

It’s tempting to skip this advice with casual encounters, but honesty is your insurance policy if an attack arises. It’s important to set boundaries so you can pause and adjust to accommodate pain and discomfort or stop altogether if needed.

Keep it simple. Explain that you have migraine and, at times, need to slow down, change positions, or stop.

Sexologist and couples therapist Sofia Roos of Passionerad advises that you give a heads-up beforehand to avoid bringing up the conversation during the act.

Note what you want your partner to know. It can be as detailed or as general as you like, but make sure it gets the point across.

2. Speak up during sex

Migraine impacts the body in numerous ways, sometimes making verbal communication harder. To work around this, set up signals to communicate your needs in the bedroom.

“I strongly suggest using the ‘traffic light system’ that’s been used in the BDSM community for decades — it’s really simple and effective,” says Roos.

As you might suspect, red light means “Stop!”

“Orange light means that the sex is heading in a direction that doesn’t feel good or can end badly and that it should cool down or change,” Roos says. “Green light is a way of communicating that the pace, sex position, or angle is working.”

This system eliminates awkwardness in the moment. You don’t need a spiel to explain what’s happening: just ask for a stop or a break. You can deal with the details afterward.

You can also devise nonverbal cues. Try a double tap, a head shake, or putting a hand up. Whatever you do, it must be obvious and easily performed.

“You can also add easy and informative words such as ‘slower,’ ‘faster,’ or words based on your chronic illness,” says Roos. “If you’re [experiencing] migraine and are sensitive to when the body starts moving too much, you can have a word for that.”

3. Experiment with positions

If you’re on the “bottom,” Roos suggests having your partner stand on the floor. This prevents the bed — and you — from moving too much and helps your partner steady themselves on solid ground.

This is just one of many positions that might make sex easier with migraine. You’ll need to experiment to find the best ones for you.

For example, some may find being on top too overwhelming because they need to hold themselves upright, while others may prefer it because they can be in control of the motion.

“Positions that allow you to lie down or recline, like spooning or missionary, can help with migraine pain,” Cook says. “Anything that allows the person to be on their back can reduce strain and boost comfort because the head and neck are supported, so there’s less risk of triggering a migraine.”

Side-by-side can also be a good option.

“Side-by-side positions can be enjoyable too, as they allow people to get close without putting pressure on the head and neck,” says Cook.

On the other hand, try to avoid positions where you have to support your weight with your arms. This strains the neck.

4. Oral and manual stimulation

Penetrative sex may be more challenging with a migraine, but oral and manual sex are great options, too.

“Redefining what intimacy means to you can help couples to maintain a healthy and fulfilled sexual relationship,” says Cook. “It’s important to focus on mutual pleasure and consider experimenting with oral sex, sensual massage, and manual stimulation.”

Oral sex is an exceptional way to enjoy sex without triggering or worsening a migraine, as long as you’re careful.

“It’s a way of having sex that puts very little movement on the receiving body since the one giving can be creative and find positions to reach the penis or vagina,” says Roos.

5. Try toys

Toys are another option for extra excitement and variety. They often don’t require lots of physical movement or strenuous positions.

6. Center consent

Many of us feel pressured to continue if our partner hasn’t been satisfied, but no one’s pleasure is worth more than your comfort. Learn when to tap out.

Don’t wait a few more seconds to make it better for someone else when you want it to end. Use one of your agreed-upon safe words, or speak up and say, “I need to stop now.”

The bottom line

“It’s important that you find what’s working well for you,” says Roos. “Most of the time, you can find a position where you can lay with as little pain as possible, and when you find that position, work out ways of having sex around that.”

It’s not worth hurting yourself to achieve an idea of what you think sex “should” be. Focus on the pleasures and positions you can explore with your body as it is.

Trust me, there are plenty!