How Migraine Can Affect Your Romantic Relationship, Plus 9 Tips to Make It Work

Migraine can impact your romantic relationships, from interrupting quality time to even causing fights. Open communication and flexibility can help you manage life, love, and migraine.

If you have migraine, you probably know only too well that it affects your physical health, your emotional state, and your overall well-being.

Migraine can also have significant impacts on your romantic relationships.

When it comes to romance, migraine can add a layer of complexity to how you and your partner navigate your relationship and your interactions with each other.

Here are some ways that migraine can affect your romantic relationships, plus tips on balancing romance and partnership with migraine.

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Does migraine impact romantic partnerships?

Migraine can and does profoundly affect romantic relationships. This is evident from the lived experiences of people with migraine. It’s also been demonstrated by scientific studies.

For example, the Chronic Migraine Epidemiology and Outcomes (CaMEO) study is a large-scale online survey of people with migraine in the United States. It evaluates the impact of migraine on family relationships, life, career, finances, and overall health.

Two 2016 and 2019 studies analyzed the CaMEO data and found some surprising statistics about migraine and relationships.

Findings included:

• 16.8% of participants said migraine impacts their ability to establish and/or maintain a relationship. People with chronic migraine (CM) who experience 15 headache days or more per month were more than twice as likely to report this.
• 17.8% said that migraine has a negative impact on their relationship, including preventing a closer relationship and keeping the relationship from moving forward.
• 51.4% said that migraine disrupts one-on-one time with their partner.
• 57.4% said that migraine makes it difficult to enjoy time spent with their partner.
• 13.6% said they believe migraine impacts their partner’s career.
• 14% said their partner gets upset or angry at them when they experience migraine.
• 29.8% said they don’t think their partner believes the severity of their migraine.
• 16.1% of partners said they don’t believe the severity of their partner’s migraine.
• 20.1% said that migraine caused or almost caused at least one previous break-up. People with CM were almost 3 times as likely to report this.

How does migraine impact romantic relationships?

Migraine can impact your romantic relationships in a million different ways.

Migraine may:

• cause tension, stress, and frustration
• be a source of fights
• force you to miss or cancel social events, trips, and date nights with your partner
• impact your sex life
• make it hard to participate in household chores
• interrupt quality time spent with your partner
• make it difficult to feel close to your partner
• cause financial strain and stress

This list is by no means exhaustive. Migraine may well impact your romantic relationships in other ways, too.

Tips for balancing romance with migraine

Migraine can certainly impact your love life, but that doesn’t mean you can’t build loving, happy, healthy relationships. You definitely can!

There may be times when you and your partner both need to put in a bit more work, but then again, all relationships require effort.

Keep in mind that every person with migraine is different, and every relationship is different. There’s no one-size-fits-all list of things to do to make navigating romantic partnerships and migraine easier.

Still, you and your partner may find integrating a few across-the-board strategies into your relationship useful.

Here are some tips for balancing migraine and romance.

1. Make quality time for each other

Quality time is whatever you make of it!

It doesn’t have to be elaborate outings, although it certainly can be if you want. You may find that low-key activities feel more manageable and accessible.

You can take a walk, share a meal, or cuddle up for a home movie night. These all count as quality time.

Whatever quality time means to you, try to make the most of the moment and be fully present with one another when you’re both physically and emotionally able to be.

2. Be flexible and adaptable with planning

Sometimes migraine strikes, and you have to adapt or even cancel plans.

When plans change, it’s not “no” forever. It’s “no, not right now.” Tomorrow, a few days from now, or next week, the odds are good that things will be different.

You and your partner can remember this and remind each other of it when you’re feeling disappointed.

When possible, having a backup ready to go can also help ease the sting.

For instance, make a few different reservations at that restaurant you really want to try. That way, if the day arrives and you’re not feeling up to it, there’s no stress in canceling. You already have the next night to look forward to.

3. Expand your definition of intimacy

We often associate intimacy with sex, but it can be so much more than that.

Intimacy can be physical or emotional affection, hugs and holding hands, or acts of kindness. You decide!

Intimacy can also be sex. Older research from 2013 has shown that sex and orgasms may help relieve migraine symptoms for some people. Just remember, this migraine home remedy isn’t for everyone.

If you’re not feeling up for getting down, that’s always more than OK — in any relationship, regardless of migraine.

You and your partner can nurture intimacy with one another in lots of different ways beyond sex.

4. Tell your partner when you’re in pain or feeling sick

Your partner likely knows you pretty well and can probably recognize when something’s off.

However, many physical symptoms of migraine can be invisible from the outside. Your partner may not always be able to tell when and how to help, or they may misinterpret what you need.

When you tell your partner that you’re feeling unwell and the specific things that are causing discomfort, they’ll be more prepared to help in appropriate ways. Your clear communication can help them understand they need to put in headphones for their music or that you could really use an icepack and some water.

Plus, if your partner knows you’re feeling sick, they’ll better understand any changes in mood or disposition. This can make them less likely to misinterpret what’s going on, avoiding tension or a fight.

Instead of thinking you’re withdrawn and quiet because you’re angry at them, your partner can recognize that your mood change is because you’re hurting.

5. Acknowledge your partner’s efforts

A loving, caring partner does their best to be there when you need them, in the ways you need them.

Doing extra chores, making meals, getting groceries, and picking up the kids from school (if you have kids) are all part of any partnership — regardless of migraine.

When migraine is involved, the need for extra help may be greater. Like in any other relationship, a loving partner helps when needed and able.

Your relationship isn’t a quid pro quo, but it’s healthy to acknowledge your partner’s efforts. Once you’ve recovered from an attack, you can let them know you notice how they help.

A simple thank you can be enough.

Try:

• “Thank you for making dinner during my attack the other day. I couldn’t eat it at the time, but I was happy to have food after my nausea passed.”
• “I noticed you refilled my migraine medication prescription. Thank you for taking care of that for me.”
• “I appreciate that you knew I needed space during my attack. Thank you for leaving the room so I could rest.”

On the flip side, your partner can also acknowledge the efforts you put into the relationship. Love is a two-way street, and you’re both actively involved.

6. Don’t blame yourself or diminish your pain

Migraine isn’t your fault. What migraine forces you to do isn’t your fault, either.

When you need extra help, have to cancel plans, or need to be somewhere quiet to rest and recover, it’s important to remember that you’re not doing anything wrong.

Your symptoms and pain are real and valid, even if they can’t always be seen from the outside. You don’t need to pretend that you’re feeling fine when, in reality, you’re in tremendous pain.

You also don’t have to feel guilty or pressured to “return the favor” when your partner pitches in a bit more. Caring for one another is healthy relationship behavior.

Recognize and accept that you’re not dropping the ball or letting people down. A debilitating condition requires you to adapt your actions and behavior. Migraine forcing your hand is not the same as making a choice.

7. Communicate kindly and gently about your relationship

Even without the extra complexity that migraine can add to relationships, it’s always better to be open than to keep upset feelings simmering inside.

Try to be honest with one another about how you’re each feeling. If there are tensions in the relationship, address them directly and with kindness. This can help you both understand how to better meet each other’s needs.

Communicating openly and navigating each other’s emotions can be difficult sometimes. If you and your partner feel stuck, you can try bringing in a couples therapist for some extra help.

8. Talk with people outside of your relationship, too

It’s important to communicate with your partner about the emotional impacts of migraine — and about everything else. It’s also important to have a robust support system that extends beyond your partner.

Try to involve other trusted listeners in your support network.

This can include:

• friends
• family members
• therapists
• online or in-person support groups
• church or club members

Bezzy Migraine forums can be a great place to connect with people who understand what you’re experiencing.

9. Check in with yourself about how you’re feeling in the relationship

When you have a chronic and invisible illness like migraine, it adds another layer of complexity to relationships.

Relationships aren’t always fun and games, but you should feel loved, secure, and happy with your partner the vast majority of the time. If that isn’t the case, it may be time to do some deep thinking about the relationship.

What’s working and what isn’t? Is your partner giving you what you need and want? Are they supportive and kind when you’re in pain?

Honest communication can help make things better. Couples therapy may help fix what’s not working.

Sometimes, a relationship may have run its course. In this case, you may find that you’ll be happier on your own.

Tips for partners of people with migraine

If your partner has migraine, here are a few ideas you may want to try:

• Communicate, communicate, communicate.
• Believe what your partner tells you. If they say they’re not feeling well, it means they’re not feeling well, even if you can’t see it from the outside.
• Ask how to help, and take note of what your partner tells you.
• Be adaptable, and adapt with grace. Remember that your partner probably doesn’t want to cancel plans any more than you do, but migraine is forcing their hand.
• Express your emotions in healthy ways. It’s OK to feel overwhelmed or frustrated, but it’s not OK to take those feelings out on your partner.
• Acknowledge the significant burden your partner may carry.
• Find time for self-care and make sure you’re addressing your own needs, too.
• Be receptive, kind, loving, and open.

The takeaway

If you have migraine, you likely know only too well how this condition can impact every aspect of your life, including your romantic relationships.

Still, you can absolutely lead a happy life and form loving partnerships with migraine.

There are lots of ways to make it a bit easier to navigate migraine and romance, including making quality time for each other in ways that work for your relationship, communicating openly, redefining intimacy, and acknowledging each other’s efforts.